It happens so quickly – when I stop for a moment, connect to my senses, and open my soul.

Even when frustrated. A little irritated.

I look at something like this. I say “Thank you Mother Nature. Thank you, God, for making the laws of physics that make up Mother Nature and giving us the ability to recognize such beauty.”

All the sudden, my problems become so small against such grandeur. My frustration and irritation dissipate. I smile. I feel fulfilled.

I have just connected spiritually – talked to God. I have been humbled. I have been filled with gratitude. My faith has been renewed.

It happens so quickly, when I stop my mind, connect with my senses, and open my soul.

As I stay connected – the fog quickly clears and I am filled with thanks and gratitude.

There was a time, when a depression cycle hit, that I would hide from friends and family. I would disconnect and isolate. I would let the darkness take hold, and burry myself into a sadness and pain that lasted for weeks.

I was alone in the desert when it hit. I was beginning on a project that I found SO EXCITING! But the blueprint, in my head, disappeared completely. I couldn’t get any of the electronics to work. I couldn’t accomplish anything. Growing in frustration – I knew where this path would lead.

Instead I surrounded myself with people who have become like family. Understanding of my illness, and that this is taking 3 times as long as it should, Ms. Cindy has helped me where I got stuck in simple places. Given me space to collect myself when I’ve needed it. Supported my healing with natural remedies and support. I pushed through, but not alone. I received support from my mother, friends, and @yonasdebesai. I can’t live healthy and stay centered without a support network. Even kind messages from friends on social media, that I have never met. I am so thankful to them and the faith that has been growing within me. Thank you all.

Today the fog is lifting. The aches are leaving my body. I can listen to music and let my soul sing. I can create again. I feel connected again.

As the tide rolls it, I only let me feet touch the water and keep walking.

The difference within me will never cease to amaze me. Depressions used to full blown stop and take control of my life. I don’t allow that anymore, but when they do come to visit, I am astonished at the changes.

Easy tasks seem daunting. My creative mind shifts from creating and problem solving to writing. My mind almost shuts down. I am constantly exhausted. I ache all over. Hours disappear with little results. I don’t find joy in much of anything. I want to isolate and I have no desire to talk to anyone.

That is okay. I know this is temporary. I push forward with a realistic set of expectations. I used to get quite upset with myself and shame myself for not being able get things done. Now I have learned to accept that I have different skill sets when different moods roll in and out – and adjust my to do lists. Or just veg and relax a few hours. 🙂

My mood disorder is part of who I am. I let my guard down this time, as I had a lot of changes and triggers going on. I’ll learn and push forward. 🙂

#bipolar #bipolardisorder #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #depression #healthylifestyle #pushforward #speakthetruth

Take a moment to connect – to people and the beauty that surrounds us. It’s a beautiful place to be.

I hate using the word “client,” because the people that have come into my life become so much more. I would say they become family.

Maybe part of that is because I have learned to slow down and connect with people. Listen to their stories and grow from them. I think part of that is because I have to understand them and connect to them to create their functional art. What I create can be very custom across several mediums and materials; I have found that there is a huge emotional component to their vision. I must feel that to see it.

But, we were at a salvage place looking at materials for the 20 foot by 25 foot wall mural that I’m preparing to build and found this table. Solid wood and just beautiful.

She haggled then down to 25 dollars and bought it for me – to see what what it would become. It’s so beautiful on so many levels. 🙂

I say this often, but when we slow down, and live in the moment, then we become open to all the beauty that exists around us.

My vape is now another bad habit that I am changing, just a vapor tail floating out of existence.

We can change the things we don’t like about ourselves.

We don’t have to be defined from anything. I am changing through the work I am doing on myself. Anybody can. I am not defined by past, the way my brain is wired, my fear, other’s ideas of how I need to live my life, society, media, my addiction recovery, or bipolar.

Now, when I don’t like something about myself or lifestyle – no more excuses – I change it. It takes time and hard work, but that work is so damn worth it. Part of building the path to my happiness.

In this case, it’s a habit I have been slave to. I had my final stand, today. It was either a sign from above or my body rejecting it. I had finally replaced the glass on my vape the other night, and today the damn top popped off and my glass broke again. Before that, it made me so nauseous that I almost vomited with car sickness. So I’ve taken it apart and put it away.

I have been taking about giving up my vape, for a while. I began stepping down from 24 nic.

Few reasons: 1. I feel like I need it, at times. I stopped caffeine after noon, but I’m phasing out any mood altering substance. 2. I leave it everywhere and break it often. It’s becoming an expense that I don’t want. 3. It dries my mouth

out. Last thing you need in the desert. Dry mouth. 😂😂

I wouldn’t mind getting some good cherry and vanilla pipe tobacco, though. Pulling out my grandpa’s pipes, here and there, for a relaxing puff while reading a book. 🙂

After this, I tackle time management. Those who know my #wtfibtime know that this will be my ultimate challenge. Lifetime of rationalizing this bad behavior, is coming to an end.

Fighting a war, winning battles. My new workshop is a big win. 🙂

We all are fighting a war of some kind. Our own battles are the hardest we have had to fight. So my failures, wins, pain, and joy can’t be compared to others. But, we can unite through being open about where we have been and what we have done to win our individual battles.

Those who know me, know that I’ve made a choice to be happy. I am at war with my past, my unhealthy cycles, my mental disorder, my fears, and my addiction. But today, I win more battles than ever and stay trained – so I’m not caught off guard.

Part of that is exploring myself, and I’ve found that I have some amazing abilities. We all do. Mine have led me to a point where I need a place to find peace, be able to create, and work.

I am so excited that I have found such a spot.

I’m equally excited that you are all here with me. We are never alone and if you feel stuck, you can make it through. It can be hard work at times, but happiness is there to be found.

My first interview, on DevTalks – it was a great experience.

I had my first interview. A chance to tell parts of my story that led me into life challenges and ultimately to building my path to hope and happiness.

The entire episode is fantastic. My part starts at just after 27 minutes. Check it out, and don’t forget to support Dev’s show with a “like” or a comment.

I had so much fun before, after, and during the interview. A few times, I said,”I wish we were recording THIS!” As I giggled uncontrollably.

Thanks Dev for an amazing experience and putting my story out there. It was an honor and privilege.

https://www.spreaker.com/user/officialtdr/dev-talks-ep1