I must be aware of my own feelings, the way I watch the weather.


caught the first signs of a depression moving in. Just a cycle of my bipolar, like the seasons rolling in and out.

Battling depression or mood swings is a similar thing, to being aware of the seasons and weather. If I am watching the reports, grateful of my family and friends giving me a heads up, and staying aware… then I know a cold front is coming in and the weather is changing. If I know, then I can do some things: dress warm, have emergency supplies ready to go, and be prepared instead of stepping out into the unknown. I might still feel the chill of the air, but with a little work up front I can be sure to keep the cold from making my hands ache and getting chilled to the bone.

Moving beyond the stormy weather.

As the storms, here, clear… I looked out over the mountains and just felt the sun warming my face. The air was so sweet. There is a calm cool breeze… as compared to the hammering, yesterday, that ripped pieces of siding off the place. Serene silence replacing the unrelenting howl and pounding rain.

Mother Nature is capable of unleashing beastly amounts of power that can destroy and wipe a landscape down to nothing. Yet, here she is, offering me a world of peace, warmth, and serenity. As if to say:

“I’m sorry that you had to witness and push through such turbulence, but I had to do my thing to keep my earth healthy and balanced. Thank you for your patience, understanding, preserverance, and unconditional love; we will have some amazing days ahead.” 🌄🌎❤

A reflection of my personal message to my family and friends, after I go through stormy periods in my own life.

Break the mold, and just be you. Whatever that may be.

There is something, about myself, that I am coming to understand and accept. I have a deep sensitivity to others and their emotions.

Some may call this empathy. It could be that I have felt pain in so many areas, that I can connect and truly understand other’s pain. I have been told, by some, that it ould be something greater than that – people who believe themselves to be gifted or Empaths. Perhaps every human has this sensitivity but chooses to numb it out – as I did for most of my life.

This, I don’t have an answer for.

What I do know, is that for most all of my life, one of my greatest joys has been to go on backpacking retreats for days at a time. To isolate and be with nature. I didn’t understand why, at the time, but it was a way for me to center myself and hit the “reset button”on my own emotional state.

It took (over) a year on the road – isolated much of the time – to plant the seed on this personal revelation. When I stayed with a friend in New York City for a few months, I could only be in the city a few days at a time. I was so overwhelmed with stimulation, that I was almost rendered useless. I didn’t feel like I could conentrate long enough to accomplish anything. After a week, I went camping in upstate New York and stayed in my tent for a month and a half. Some of the most peaceful moments in my life, there, at the edge of a farm property at the entrance to hiking trails. I only visited my friend, in the city, a few times.

Currently, I stay at my workshop for most the time in the middle of the desert. Completely isolated. I flourish here. I make progress. Make leaps and bounds in personal and spiritual growth. It is home. The only reminder that I have, that I am attached to civilization, are a few houselights twinkling in the distance, the glow of Las Vegas on a hazy night, or the line of cars driving out of the mountains towards Pharump.

It will be a while before I am ready to co-habitate with a mate, as I enjoy my solitude greatly. I value and need my time alone. When I do reach that point, that person will need to give me vast amounts of personal space – as I need it to function as a human.

I say all of this because I have so many friends that are unhappy in thier life. I think we are conditioned, beginning at an early age, that there is a certain way that we should live our lives. A particular format for relationsips. We see this mimicked in our friends and family. On TV. Magazines. Everywhere.

I have some fortunate friends, though, who have broken out of this mold.

I have so much respect for how they balance an 8 – 5 corporate job and handle responsibilies during the week. On the weekend, they deviate from the normal and travel, have adventures, and do the things they love to do. Or, friends that are in relationships where the two of them have trust and respect for eachother and encourage eachother to go do their separte hobbies and ventures. Learn from eachoher. Love that they have different interests and needs. Find a way to accept and compromise to find a balance.

If you are unhappy, in your life, then I challenge you to do something different. Don’t be held back by “what would… think” or “people would think I’m crazy…”

Find your joy. Discover your talents. Step out of the box.

No more excuses. Love the monent, find yourself, and just be you.

The foundation of my path, to happiness, is spirituality. I stay connected through gratitude, science, religion, nature, and the people that surround me – as I believe that Power and Joy is everywhere around us.

I do not believe that we have an angry God that punishes us. I do not believe that we have to go to brick and mortar places to talk to God. I do not believe, anymore, that we have to ask God for forgiveness and feel shame.

This post was inspired by recent conversations and my daily reading, which was:

Stay ever so close to me, and you will not deviate from the path I have prepared for you. This is the most efficient way to stay on track; it is also the most enjoyable way. Men tend to multiple duties in their observance of religion. This practice enables them to give Me money, time, and work without yielding up to Me what I desire the most – their hearts. Rusles can be observed mechanically. Once they become habitual, they can be followed with minimal art and almost no thought. These habit-forming rues provide a false sense of security, lulling the soul into a compote condition.

What I search for in My children is an awakened soul that thrills to the Joy of My Presence! I created mankind to glorify Me and enjoy Me forever. I provide the Joy; your part is to glorify Me by living close to Me.

I was recently talking to a few people about how I keep my zest for life. How I have been staying centered and stable, with a mood disorder that has wrecked my life repeatedly. Stayed clean and sober after a lifetime of addiction problems that tormented me.

My growing spirituality. This is the cornerstone of one of my recovery programs – where I learned to turn my will over to my Higher Power. I am not religious, by any means. What I believe in supersedes religion – was the spark that set them into existence and allowed them to evolve and grow over centuries throughout man’s existence. To me, religion is a conduit to spirituality. Another path to connect to God – in that I have an immense respect for those who have connected spiritually through religion. But, I have also met many people that are completely devoid spiritually that claim to be very religious. People who are stagnant in spiritual growth and knowingly remain in unhealthy cycles – but rationalize their bad behavior by going to church every Sunday and give their money to God. To me, this is not a path to happiness and feeling whole.

My belief is that if we show gratitude to our Higher Power, at every moment we can – then we stay connected spiritually. My landlord, and now friend, Christian said the other day, “when I am following my intuition and staying grateful – and have humility – doors open all over the place. I don’t have try and direct my life and others, I just flow with life like a leaf down a stream.”

He verbalized what I felt. Every morning I wake up and thank God for the beautiful sunrise. I ask for guidance throughout the day. Several times throughout the day I stop what I’m doing – I open my senses and soul and experience SOMETHING that I find beautiful – I thank God. When I do this, my life just flows. Sure, I have challenges that hit – but I tap into my faith that I will end up where I need to be and push through. I try to follow my intuition of what I believe to be right from wrong. Usually, I do the right thing and I do end up where I need to be. Sometimes I take the easy path and have to learn lessons from it. But, that is okay. Learning those lessons is how I get back on my path – not carrying shame or guilt and fearing punishment. Those are self-imposed human conditions.

I also read religious dailys and spirituals, that are rooted in several religions. I find messages and confirmations, there, that I am on the right path. Typically mystified that they are right in alignment with current challenges or topics of conversation. Today’s was a perfect example, from the book Jesus Calling – a book that I have been given by two different people at different times in my life. I believe that if we stay connected spiritually, through gratitude, religion, or simple conversations with friends – then we stay on our path to humility, joy, and happiness. In this comes the faith that we will be provided for and allows us to simply navigate the waters of inner peace and self-love.

I may not be great at it (yet), but doing something that makes me feel good is all that really matters.

I’m mixing yoga back into my routine. Wow, I suck, after a few years off. 😂😂

Doesn’t matter. 😊 I walked the walk, instead of talking the talk – and complaining about my back aching and how flexible used to be. Took the action. That is part if my living healthy, now. That I do things differently and take action. That is part of self-love, to me.

I took 20 minutes this morning. I feel stretched, connected spiritually, relaxed, fulfilled, confident, and ready for my day.

How do you love yourself. What is something you’ve been saying to yourself, “I’m going to…”?

Today is a good day. Go do it. No more excuses, go love the moment. Find yourself and BE YOU!!

It happens so quickly – when I stop for a moment, connect to my senses, and open my soul.

Even when frustrated. A little irritated.

I look at something like this. I say “Thank you Mother Nature. Thank you, God, for making the laws of physics that make up Mother Nature and giving us the ability to recognize such beauty.”

All the sudden, my problems become so small against such grandeur. My frustration and irritation dissipate. I smile. I feel fulfilled.

I have just connected spiritually – talked to God. I have been humbled. I have been filled with gratitude. My faith has been renewed.

It happens so quickly, when I stop my mind, connect with my senses, and open my soul.

Why wait till New Year? Every day is a good day to find the path to happiness.

I had to make a decision: to be happy or continue to simply exist? The decision to be happy came around September of last year – I was homeless and living out of my car, on the road.

I had gotten in trouble in many ways (possible legal trouble, that worked itself out), disappointed and hurt everyone I knew (again), and hated the person that I was. I was doing the bare minimum to live; waiting to die. I had left, on my journey, with the intentions of never connecting to another person. As I came out of a nasty drug relapse, and my head cleared in upstate New York (now living out of a tent), I made a decision to change. Not for show or to “survive,” but realized that I had to. For me.

I made the decision to find the path to happiness.

I used my new Instagram to document my journey and began connecting to people in magnificent ways. Met people on the road that became like family. Change was happening, but I didn’t know how to focus it.

I had tried in the past. Learned so many tools in recovery and outpatient programs for my bipolar disorder. But felt overwhelmed by the number of daily things that I had to do. I also hadn’t let go of some unhealthy ideas and my huge false pride.

In the past 6 months, the real progress has occurred. Leading up to that, I was experimenting with things that did and didn’t work. I had to learn that change comes slowly. Pick one or two things and be consistent with them. Keep what sticks and replace what doesn’t. Be patient with myself. When I fail, not to let it knock me back down to the foot of the mountain. Just dust off and keep pushing.

I wont be making New Years resolutions. That has always been a set up for failure. Instead, I’ll see every day as a “New Year” and continue walking the path to become a better person.

I say this for those of my friends who feel overwhelmed by change. Dont worry. Dont stress. Try one or two things that you have been wanting to change – and you dont have to wait till the New Year. 😂😂 Every day is a good day to try something new or do something that makes you feel better about yourself.